Motherhood Vs Career
When I began my career in my twenties I remember the question of how I would handle a family and my career came up more often than I would like to admit. It was a question that was brought up to me by both men and women and I always laughed at the fact that men are not asked these same questions when they embark on their career path. It’s never something that is viewed as a hurdle they will have to encounter during their lifetime.
I knew I wanted to be an event planner since I was 19. After watching “The Wedding Planner '' and having an “ah-ha” moment of realizing that was what I wanted to do! I had always been the planner in my friend group and in my family. When I realized there was an actual career path for it I decided at that moment that I would pursue it. At 19 years old the thought of having my own family was such a far fetched idea; not one that took over my mind and hindered my decision making, especially not when it came to my career path.
I was barely out of my teenage years when I was asked what I would do when I became a mother? As if it was a predisposition for myself. The person asking just assumed that I would even want to be a mom. When the question was first posed to me I chuckled. The truth of the matter is I hadn’t even considered motherhood. I figured that should I choose to be a mother in the future I would just figure it out. Ironically when I became a mother years later, I still heard the same discussion and was being asked similar questions. Questions like “Do you feel you can handle the schedule of this role?”, or “How would you balance it all?”. I wonder how many roles I was dropped out of consideration simply for being a mom.
As recently as this year; I was asked the question of being able to handle the schedule or the scope of the job requirements. I laughed and told those interviewing me that I found it interesting because my husband had never been asked those questions in his interviews. In fact it’s quite the opposite effect; working for his family is socially accepted as the expectation.
Before motherhood I was one to say that I would always work. The thought of being a stay at home mother was not a thought I had. I grew up with a single, working mom and felt that my career was too important to give up. Fast forward to me having my first child; the thought of leaving him for over 8 hours everyday and having someone else raise him was shocking to me. I could not envision myself being happy being away from him for so long while someone else raised him. I chose to stay at home with him and put my career on the back burner.
Being a stay at home mother was quite possibly the hardest, loneliest, and most fulfilling job I have ever done. Yet, I had to live with that because I made that choice to stay at home with him. During that time; it was what felt best for me and worked for my family and I. I was able to take on small contract roles that allowed me the space to contribute finances to our household while also being able to have adult conversations outside of hanging out with a toddler all day.
When I got pregnant the second time I already had mentally made the decision that I wanted to work again. As much as I loved having those years at home with my son; I felt as if I lost myself. I was ready and wanted to get back into the workforce where I could use the other parts of my brain. I wanted to create a place for myself where I felt proud of my work and had something of my own. We all know that motherhood is the most underappreciated, underpaid,and overlooked role in this country. As much as I wanted to participate in my children’s every moment it didn’t seem as feasible as the first time around.
I decided that I would take on contract roles this time around and since there were more remote and hybrid roles available I figured I could have the best of both worlds. I would be able to work from home and have those vital moments with my children while I was also able to work and contribute to my household financially and network with colleagues.
All in all; I would say that both decisions that I made in my career were substantial and I was able to take in lessons from both. I believe that ultimately it is up to each individual family what works best for them. I do strongly feel that a mother can navigate both worlds. Should she want to pursue her career whether that be at home or in an office; if anyone could balance it all it is without a doubt a mother!
It is unfortunate that mothers get overlooked for so many roles when they are the ultimate multi-taskers, directors of operations, and jack of all trades, all while keeping it all together. We create and facilitate that balance. We make the hard decisions while oftentimes sacrificing ourselves. It is only fair that mothers should get first dibs. Not only does there need to be a collective of support for mothers; there needs to be more opportunities as well.
What are your thoughts on motherhood vs career? Have you been successful in navigating both?