A month without you dad

I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss you. I get waves of sadness right after thoughts of our many memories. Every time I hear “Shining Star” your face pops in my head. Throughout the day I envision you. I think of you in certain moments wondering what could’ve been had you still been alive. The time we spent not talking I so missed our conversations but I always knew you were on the other side of that thought most likely thinking of me too. Now I know that you’re not here although some days I like to pretend you are. I imagine that you’re in Jersey living your day to day. Then it hits me in the gut knowing you’re not because I can’t call you.

I can’t talk to you or text you. There’s no chance of hearing you smile over the phone when you would answer my calls. It breaks my heart. I’ve gotten constant reminders of “dads” . It seems like every show I see or commercial that comes on the conversation revolves around the dad. It makes me think of all the things we won't be able to do anymore. Like I can’t call you when I get lost and am anxious and you were the only one that could calm me down and reassure me that I was okay. The times I called you and needed you there and you came to my rescue. There’ll be no more of that; all I have are the memories of what once was.