Journey to Mommy-hood

The amount of articles, books, research, conversations, classes, and debates, could not have truly prepared me for the feelings of self and the fear of becoming a mother that I’ve been feeling lately as my due date approaches. The feeling of being enough. How do you prepare yourself to be ready to raise this little human. Everyone asks “How do you feel?”, or the questions of which side of the decision you’ll follow like breast feeding or formula; natural labor or c-section, meds or no meds, etc. etc. For the most part my responses were very a matter of fact because I did my research and read up on what felt best for me in bringing my baby into the world. Although my mind is set on my birthing plan; I can’t help but question what if things don’t go the way I plan. What if everything I’ve prepared myself for isn’t what’s meant for me? What if everything turns out to be the complete opposite of what I’ve planned and mentally prepared myself for? I’ve had a pretty good pregnancy; with the exception of heart burn and frequent bathroom trips I have had minimal to no morning sickness, not too much weight gain, no swelling, minimal crazy cravings, my back has felt pretty good. Overall I’ve felt great; blessed and happy.

I’ve recently hit the nesting stage where I find myself figuring out ways to better organize the babies stuff for the umpteenth time. Trying to figure out ways to annoy my husband with relocating furniture and building more baby gear. Through it all I’ve felt pretty positive and enjoying the beauties of growing a human; feeling his kicks, hearing his heart beat alongside mine. Knowing I had the chance to carry a soul that will have heard my heart beat from the inside. The connection is surreal; the movements he makes when he hears mommies voice makes my heart melt. I never knew the feeling of loving so dearly without having never met could be this real.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t absolutely freaked the eff about being enough. A part of me isn’t ready for him to be here just yet; I want to revel in the feeling of being his protector; knowing that he’s safe. It’s a hard feeling to be so sure of yourself; to be certain that you are doing everything that you should be doing and that when your baby arrives you will be enough. I’m grateful for the support of my family and friends that have given me positive feedback and love. I know there are many women out there that don’t have that support; that’s why I felt I wanted to share my feelings of self. I know I am not alone in feeling this way. Another chapter in my life’s journey of self-discovery and self love. If I’ve learned anything and can share is that I know that the journey to mommy-hood is different for every women but one thing that is certain is that we are all creating life. Our bodies are magnificent, beautiful and divine and nothing short of pure magic. Know that you are enough and that you’re not alone.