Friendship after mama-hood
Recently I’ve experienced some disappointment from people that I have been friends with for many years. Essentially we grew up together. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve celebrated sweet sixteens, and graduations, career milestones and many birthdays through the years. Some of us have gotten married and had kids while some have experienced a different path of dating and travel all the while taking time to link up and catch up with the nuances of our journeys. I’ve always been the person that would say friendship doesn’t mean talking everyday or seeing each other frequently. I have always defined friendship as showing up for each other during the big moments. Big moments aren’t always happy or celebratory; some of them are quite sad and come with tears and sitting in silence and just being there for one another.
While distance has been a significant space between many of my friends and I; I can say for myself that I have made efforts to show up and celebrate, or just made the effort to show up. In this new normal of Covid era many events have been distanced and have left virtual options when we can’t physically be somewhere. I recently did a gender reveal and my husband and I decided that we would invite our closest family and friends to join in and watch our ultrasound live with us. When the day came many tuned in and watched along and sat through the 20 minutes and when the screen shared that we were having a girl many of our friends reached out in excitement and shared the joy with us in that moment.
It felt nice to have that community of love with people we love so dearly. A couple of my friends didn’t show up in the way I expected them too because I guess I would have shown up for them. I know they say don’t set expectations so you won’t get disappointed but it is really difficult to not. I understand things happen and life gets crazy but I also know that when you want to you do. It made me feel as if I didn’t mean much to those that couldn’t take the effort to click a link. To take 20 minutes out of your day because you genuinely wanted to be there and join in in our joy. It’s so interesting how when I was single prior to having kids, I would still show up for my friends that were celebrating their love and babies. I would show up early to help with parties and stay late to help clean up because I wanted to be there and be a part of their day and memories. It hurts when a friendship seems one sided. We hear the stories of friends through the seasons but when you come to realize you have some of those it hurts especially when it’s friends you’ve called friends for so long.
I guess I’ve come to the realization that I hold certain relationships to a higher standard than they do or rather I saw them as a closer friend than they see me. That’s okay with me now. It leaves the space to focus on the friendships that match my energy and take the time to show up. It also allows the space to open up to making new friends in this chapter. I always used to say I had enough friends but once I became a mom I feel differently. I have also realized that some women don’t understand the importance of showing up throughout the chapters because they are in a different one and they don’t realize it until they themselves are going through it.
It’s been hard lessons learned and although my feelings were hurt I still have love for those people and our history but I have also learned where we each sit in each others lives. I decided to create this platform for mamas to find comfort in each other and gain new friends that they can rely on and have the feeling of a community that gets them.